Anyone who has had an accident prone or chronically lame horse will have an inkling of how I feel at the moment. You know the type...loads of talent, could be a serious contender if you could ever just get him ready to show! You get him over the stone bruise, ride him for 2 weeks and he cuts his leg on nothing. You get this healed, ride a few more weeks then he colics. After while you throw him out in the field to let Dr. Green fix him or sell him to some unsuspecting soul and forget to tell them he is a lemon. lol
Well in this case, it is ME, THE RIDER, who is the lemon! I finally get on a cocktail of RA meds that works pretty well and let me operate on a fairly low evel of pain from day to day. I start riding my horses and just get them ready to show and BAM! I get pnemonia. Antibiotics take care of that and just when I can stand upright again I break 2 ribs from the coughing. Back to bed. Then they start to heal and I get back on my horses and even get a breakthrough with the 3 year old. He actually figures out how to spin without getting his long uncoordinated legs too tangled up. Then for no reason out of the blue the RA attacks my body again. I am in so much pain I can't even sit down without screaming, never mind ride.
So I'm laying in bed, trying not to scream in frustration and pain. It is a beautiful day and my mare comes up and stands at the gate calling me. She wants to play, ie ride! She is saying whats wrong with you? I want to gallop across the sunny fields and kick up my heels in a big buck to make you laugh. The 3 yr old stands at the gate watching every move, sure that I will be tacking him up soon and giving him cookies when he does well.
Instead like an invalid I sit in the sun on the porch crying in frustration. This morning I said screw it, I'm going to do it anyway...I can deal with pain, it is part of my life. That attitude lasts until I try to bend over to put my jeans on. The sweat is pouring off my face as the stabbing pain makes me feel like fainting. I did it anyway on Monday. Luckily my mare looked after me because the agony in my ribcage caused me to let go of the reins and try to hold myself until I could figure out how to stop her without letting her do a sliding stop. The training is working because she locked in and galloped around a large circle without guidance in perfect form. Once consciousness returned I asked her to trot then walk by voice command and she did.
So what do I do? Turn myself out? Sell myself at the Friday night sale? Buy another body and try again? Like a 'lemon' horse or car I can't afford to keep going to the doctor.
Life is too short for spending in bed.
What would be really interesting is if you were able to, sort of, come up with a way to ride as comfortably as possible without having to move too much (not really possible, but still). So many people could potentially benefit from your experiences no matter how good or bad. We had a paraplegic rider at our barn whose horse was excellent and went off voice commands alone.
ReplyDeleteWhile this is your life, your love, and your passion, I think it's safe to say that we all care for you and don't want you in any more pain.
Have you ever tried soaking in a hot bath with Epsom salts and lavender? Not a cure, but helps one feel a little better.